Life is shaped by our effort to understand people and culture. We develop ideas, share our thoughts, and build connections. At the center of all these processes is one essential tool: language. Yet in the rush of everyday life, some expressions we hear from others and accept without questioning gradually become embedded in the way we speak. These artificial patterns can undermine the sincerity of our conversations and turn into problems of communication style that disregard the person we are speaking to.
If we want to build a more thoughtful, respectful, and less exhausting culture of communication, we need to examine two common habits in everyday language from philosophical, ethical, and human perspectives.
1. The “Explain It to Me Like I’m Five” Expression
When we do not understand something or find it complicated, we often resort to this expression: “Explain it to me like I’m five.”
At first glance, it may seem like nothing more than a request for simplicity and clarity. Yet this seemingly harmless phrase can carry a deeper ethical problem:
- Children’s Rights and Age-Based Discrimination: An adult may simply want a difficult subject explained more clearly. But using an entire age group—five-year-old children—as a metaphor for inadequacy or difficulty in understanding can be a form of age-based discrimination. If a child happens to be present, they may hear their own age, existence, and intelligence being used as a symbol of deficiency. That can undermine the dignity of children.
- Cognitive Laziness: As adults, we may sometimes be unwilling to make the mental effort required to understand the details of something unfamiliar. We place the entire responsibility on the person explaining it and expect the information to be delivered to us in a ready-made form. Yet being uninformed about something we do not know is completely natural. Accepting that honestly is a better approach.
A Direct and Human Alternative
Instead of using children or another vulnerable group as a metaphor, we can simply ask for clarity while keeping the communication between adults:
- “Could you explain this in simple, everyday language?”
- “Could you express that more clearly and directly?”
- “Could you explain it as if you were talking to a friend?”
2. “Did You Understand?” and “Did I Explain It Clearly?” — Unnecessary Conversation Closers
We often encounter people who add these questions to the end of almost every sentence while speaking. A person hears the habit somewhere, accepts it without consciously questioning it, and eventually incorporates it into their own speech. When used constantly, these expressions become an artificial communication mechanism that tires the listener.
- Forcing the Listener to React: In an ordinary conversation, you simply listen. But when you hear these questions after nearly every sentence, you are pushed into giving an artificial reaction. You may feel compelled to keep nodding, saying “yes,” or confirming that you understood. The conversation then stops being a natural exchange and starts to feel like a tiring bureaucratic procedure.
- Superiority and Insecurity: “Did you understand?” can carry an implication that the speaker is above the listener and that the listener may be deficient. “Did I explain it clearly?” can instead become an expression of a constant need for reassurance.
A Realistic and Empathetic Alternative
If we are genuinely paying attention to the person we are speaking with, we can often sense whether they are following us through their expressions, gestures, or the flow of the conversation. Instead of placing an artificial question mark at the end of every sentence, we can:
- If we notice that the other person is losing focus or becoming tired, offer a break instead of mechanically asking whether they understand. We can even suggest continuing the conversation another time.
- Before starting a subject, ask “Is this a good time to talk about this?” and respect the other person’s mental space.
- If we notice their attention drifting during the conversation, rather than pushing the subject, we can shift topics briefly, allow them to refocus, and then return to the original point.
- And, of course, if the other person is simply not the right person to have that particular conversation with, sometimes the healthiest choice is not to start the conversation in the first place.
Thanks.
