Intro: Is Perfectionism a Trap?
Perfectionism is an evolutionary illusion produced by the human mind. Perfection is like honey. If a bee consumes its honey in moderation, it survives. But what happens if a human consumes too much honey? The special answer to this question is at the bottom of the article. But first, let’s dive deep. In nature, there is no “best,” there is only “fit.” Those who close their biological and social windows while looking for the flawless wife, job, or time, bring about the end of their own stories. A bear cannot survive just by stealing honey…
Here is the impact of perfectionism, through the questions of Serif:
1. Family and Continuation of Lineage (Genetic Bankruptcy)
Serif: “I will wait until I find the smartest, most beautiful, and noblest woman to be my wife. I won’t settle.”
Answer: While you are looking for the “best,” the “good enough” women already got married and passed on their genes. Your biological clock is ticking, too; energy and quality fade with age. Mathematically, you cannot search forever; if you do not stop and start building a family at some point, you will be left with only “nothingness.”
Scientific Data: The Secretary Problem According to mathematical optimization theory, after viewing and rejecting the first 37% of candidates you will encounter in life, you should choose the first person who is better than them. If you wait to see 100%, your probability of remaining alone is 90%. Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Secretary_problem
You are not perfect, Serif. Find the most suitable partner and overcome this problem.
2. Waiting for the Perfect Job Opportunity (Career Paralysis)
Serif: “This salary isn’t enough, that position is too low. I am waiting for that legendary offer that sees my potential. I won’t work until it comes.”
Answer: That offer will not come because your CV is empty. Experience is gained in imperfect jobs. While you wait for the “perfect CEO” to discover you, your peers have already climbed the stairs. Waiting is the action with the highest cost.
Scientific Data: Opportunity Cost It is the value of the next best alternative foregone while making a choice. Every day you wait, you lose not only salary but also experience and network. Source: https://www.investopedia.com/terms/o/opportunitycost.asp
Get a job and work, Serif. Don’t be dependent on anyone. Work, take a step, the rest will come.
3. Feeling Perfect to Start Work (The Preparation Trap)
Serif: “I am not ready yet. Let me get one more certificate, let me make my English C2 level, then I will start the project. I am afraid of being disgraced.”
Answer: You will never feel fully ready. Perfect preparation is the mask of cowardice. As the Turkish saying goes: “Kervan yolda düzülür” (The caravan straightens out on the way).
Scientific Data: The 70% Rule (Jeff Bezos Principle) If you wait for 100% of the information to make a decision, you are too late. Those who act with 70% information and preparation always beat those who wait. Source: https://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/amazon-founder-jeff-bezos-this-is-how-successful-people-make-smart-decisions.html
It is normal to be afraid, and it is normal to fail. Just start… If you start now, you will be 90% successful. If you wait, this rate will drop!
4. Fear of Bringing a Child into a Chaotic World
Serif: “The world is broken, the economy is bad, there is a climate crisis… It is cruelty to have children before everything is fixed, before the world becomes a paradise.”
Answer: The world has never been a paradise. Your ancestors reproduced even during the Ice Age, the plague, and wars. By waiting for a “perfect world” in your comfort zone, you are breaking the 4-billion-year chain of life. Life exists in chaos, not despite it. Even a duck lays eggs and raises its young without knowing what it will eat tomorrow. Some systems (like life) get stronger by feeding on stress, chaos, and uncertainty. A sterile environment weakens the living. As the Turkish proverb says: “İşleyen demir ışıldar” (The working iron shines).
Be brave like a duck, Serif. The comfort zone rots you.
5. Feeling of Self-Inadequacy (Imposter Syndrome)
Serif: “I feel incomplete. Everyone is so good, and I am just acting. I will go out in public when I am flawless. It feels like everyone is looking at me!”
Answer: A flawless human is a dead human. Growth feeds on mistakes. If you wait to feel “completed,” your life will end while waiting for perfection.
Scientific Data: The Spotlight Effect The illusion that one’s mistakes or behaviors are constantly watched and judged by others. In reality, everyone is busy with their own trouble. Source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/spotlight-effect
No one is looking at you, Serif, relax. Just do the best for yourself, that is enough.
6. Social Disconnection (Social Perfectionism)
Serif: “My friends have no vision, my relatives are ignorant, political parties are incompetent. None of them are up to my standards, I deleted them all.”
Answer: Congratulations, you are now all alone. Human is a social being and survives with “flawed” bonds. Those who seek a perfect friend die friendless.
Scientific Data: Dunbar’s Number According to anthropologist Robin Dunbar, the number of social relationships a human can maintain healthily is on average 150 people. All of these people are flawed.Source: https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20191001-dunbars-number-why-we-can-only-maintain-150-relationships
As we say in these lands: “Hatasız kul olmaz” (There is no servant of God without error).
7. Waiting for the Right Time (The Timing Error)
Serif: “Bro, you can’t buy goods right now, prices are too volatile. Let the waters calm down, I will catch the most risk-free, cheapest moment and load the goods into the shop.”
Answer:In trade, there is no “perfect moment,” there is a “turning wheel.” While you are waiting for that flawless, cheapest moment; your competitor bought the goods at a high price but sold them and turned his capital. While you are still waiting to “buy for 1 dollar cheaper,” you are actually missing the opportunity to do business.
Scientific Data: Analysis Paralysis The state of overthinking and trying to control all variables locking the decision mechanism. Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Analysis_paralysis
As the saying goes: “Akan su durmaz, duran su kokuşur” (Flowing water does not stop; standing water stinks).
8. Obsession with Perfect Equipment (Gear Acquisition Syndrome)
Serif: “I can’t shoot that movie without the best camera. I can’t write that code without the fastest computer. My equipment limits me.”
Answer: No, what limits you is your talent and your laziness. The best novels were written on typewriters, the best codes on old terminals. If the tool becomes the goal, you become a consumer, not a producer.
Scientific Data: Law of Diminishing Returns After a certain point, increasing the input (equipment quality) does not provide a proportional increase in output (success). Source: https://www.britannica.com/topic/law-of-diminishing-returns
Do not complain that what you have is little; remember the Turkish saying: “Azimli sıçan duvarı deler” (The determined rat pierces through the wall).
9. Waiting for the Perfect Body (Postponed Life)
Serif: “I won’t go to the beach before my biceps grow. I won’t take photos before I get my nose done. I won’t socialize until I am aesthetically perfect.”
Answer: While you are trying to reach your ideal form, your youth is passing. If you do not make peace with your flaws, mirrors will always remain your enemy. The perception of perfection is a mirage; it moves away as you approach.
Scientific Data: Body Dysmorphic Disorder Obsessing over an imaginary or slight defect in one’s body and disconnecting from social life. Source: https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/body-dysmorphic-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20353938
Moreover, you are spending your life just to earn money, Serif.
10. Sanctifying the Past (Nostalgic Perfection)
Serif: “Everything used to be perfect. The taste of tomatoes, the morality of people… The present time is trash. I belong to those times.”
Answer: The past was not perfect, your memory is just tricking you. By sanctifying the past, you are devaluing today (the only real time you live in).
Scientific Data: Rosy Retrospection The brain’s tendency to erase negative memories from the past and polish the positive ones. Thinking the past was “perfect” is a cognitive distortion. Source: https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1994-33827-001
Do not let your memory mislead you, Serif.
THE FINAL EDGE
Life is the art of creating your own mosaic with missing pieces. The flawless diamond is cold and motionless. The flawed soil is alive and fertile.
The choice is yours, Serif: A flawless extinction, or a flawed existence? While the one who takes action continues his lineage, those who fear fade away. There is an old saying: “Üşenenin çocuğu olmaz” (He who is lazy has no child).
Answer to the Honey Question: The bee does not produce honey for humans. Humans produce honey only by stealing and exploiting bees! The other issue is; even if it is honey, excessive consumption affects human health negatively due to the sugar it contains!
Who Seeks Perfect, Perishes Perfect!
So, do you still want to be perfect?
